Difficult Goodbyes

I wake up in this lumpy bed I've grown accustomed to, a smile spreading across my face when the memories from last night come flooding back. Then the nerves take over when I realize I will see him at breakfast, and I immediately call Lilly.

"Wake up, wake up!" I hiss into my phone, giggling and covering my face and pacing the room all at the same time.

"G'morning beautiful," Lilly mumbles back.

"I'm coming to your room, I can't walk into the hall alone and see Caleb," I say hurriedly, pulling on my clothes with one hand while I talk into the phone.

"Oh Lord, you're right. Get over here."

I sneak down the dangerously steep stairs outside my room and poke my head out into the courtyard, look left and right, and, seeing no one, sprint across to Lilly's room. She lets me in and we start laughing and talking over each other.

"Have you seen him -"

"Oh my God, I'm so nervous!"

"What are you going to do?!"

I keep peeking out her window as she gets ready. Forget butterflies in my stomach, there's a damn ostrich in there flapping its wings. "Okay. Now."

We make our way to the hall and sit at one of the great, long tables with our friends. Ava is on one side of me, Lilly the other, and Nicole across, the others spread out and not privy to what we start animatedly whispering about. "Sooo?" Ava asks pointedly, while Nicole is grinning like a hyena. Right then, Caleb goes walking by our table. We all go silent and he whistles a little tune as he passes. Nicole drops her head to the table, laughing hysterically and snorting.

"Oh my God, no, no," she says.

Ava and Lilly are covering their mouths, laughing too. I stare into my food like it's the most fascinating thing I've ever seen. This goes on all morning, and during class Nicole is making faces and gestures across the room while we try to hide our laughter until our professor asks if something is going on with us today. "No," we all say at once, looking at once another in feigned innocence.

Tonight is the last night I ever see him. We're all sitting around a round table outside until 2 AM and one of his arms is around me. A cigarette dangles lazily from the fingertips of his other hand, smoke curling up into the night. The banter and laughing is dying down to murmurs and we all reluctantly start to get up. God, I hate goodbyes. I hug Edward. I hug Caleb. When we pull back he plants a kiss on my cold lips. Nicole and I walk back to our rooms, tears in our eyes when we hug goodbye.

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